t-shirts and cabinets and paints, oh my!

our naked kitchen

I think I mentioned it in my first blog, but at the time we decided to adopt, we were also smack in the middle of buying a house. Now, we are doing some minor reno's for that home. Basically we are painting EVERY room in this house. Y'all, this house is 3000+ square feet. We've had some much appreciated help, but on the by and large it has been just me and Bryan doing the painting! That's a lot of outfits ruined by paint, in case you were curious. We are also overhauling the kitchen putting in new countertops, painting cabinets and installing a few new appliances... The picture above is part of my currently naked kitchen. We've ripped out the old countertops, removed all the doors from the cabinets to prep for paint, and put primer up on the walls, because the former owners must have really loved navy blue... Don't ask, I don't have answers.

So why am I telling you all this??? Not that my home reno isn't totally captivating and I just know you're all on the edge of your seat wanting to know what color we chose to put on the kitchen walls- Oystershell by Benjamin Moore- BUT I'm really telling you because we need your prayers that it will get done quickly! As I have said in a couple of my YouCaring updates, we are in the middle of the home study process. Eventually that means the agency we are using will be sending out a social worker to inspect our home. I'm not sure, but I think exposed outlets, naked cabinet shells, and a counter-less kitchen isn't going to make the cut! EEK!

We are working as fast as we can but have run into some snags along the way, and we would just LOVE your prayers as we get this home ready! We can't wait to move in!  And we definitely can't wait to bring our boy home to live with us in this beautiful work in progress. 

BUT that's not all, folks! We have finally settled on a T-shirt design by Fund the Nations and will be selling these throughout the remainder of the adoption process! We love this design, and are so, so, so excited to share the reveal with you all! Below is our T-shirt! It's available in XS-4XL, and we are selling them for $20 or $22 for sizes 2XL-4XL. You can order them directly from a link on this blog, or you can just get in touch with me directly. I will most likely place an order once I have received 20-25 orders, and am accepting cash and paypal for payment. ALL PROFIT WILL BE CONTRIBUTED TO OUR ADOPTION FUND. That is a promise. We will NOT be using any of it for the house reno! Just a disclaimer I wanted to put out there since I went on and on about it earlier.  

our awesome t-shirt!

I will ship these to anyone who wants them WITHIN the continental USA, but will charge an additional $6 for shipping. I would recommend to those friends and family members of ours that are not local to Wilmington, NC, getting several orders together, make a lump payment, and only pay once for shipping. I will mail that bulk order to you. BUT, I will ship to you regardless of bulk orders or singular orders. You just may be able to split the shipping with your friends/families if you get a bulk order together! 

I'm so excited, guys! I can't wait to see #bringtonghome all over the place! I have one request!!! If you order a t-shirt from us, can you post a selfie on FB and include our hashtag #bringtonghome and #ShopFTN to advertise for us!!! We would LOVE YOU for it! Thanks again for ALL of your support! I think by the number of all-caps words in this post, you can already tell, but I am so excited about this phase in our lives. Yes, it's crazy, and stressful, and overwhelming at times, but it will be totally worth all of it to have our boy home, safe in our arms!

Share this blog, and get the word out! Let's sell some t-shirts!!!

God is holding on

I learned a valuable lesson this week. When things are out of my hands, that doesn't mean they are out of God's. And in His infinite power, wisdom and mercy, He reminded me that I am not Him, I am not able to step into His shoes and do what only He can. 

As I watched helpless from the sidelines, He stepped in and gave me peace for this was something He was more than able to take care of. And He did. He reminded me that He loved my son more than I do. He reminded me that He was big enough. 

There is a song, King of My Heart, by Kutless that I love. And in that song there is a line that says, "when the night is holding on to me, God is holding on."

When my the monsters of my night want to grip my heart, paralyzing me in fear, it is so hard to look past that struggle. I whimper in helplessness because I've lost control of the situation. Tears flow because I can't do anything, and I literally hate being in the position of impotence. Then God walks through the door and I'm left stunned.

He fixed what I could not, and if God smirks, then I can picture him sitting in the corner, saying, "I told you so; trust Me next time". He works in our impotence. He works in our helplessness. He operates best when we get out of His way. He is good. He is powerful. He is God. David says it best in Psalm 121:

I lift my eyes towards the  mountains. Where will my help come from? My help comes from the Lord, the Maker of heaven and earth. He will not allow your foot to slip; your Protector will not slumber. Indeed the Protector of Israel does not slumber or sleep. The Lord protects you; the Lord is a shelter right by your side. The sun will not strike you by day or the moon by night.  The Lord will protect you from all harm; He will protect your life. The Lord will protect your coming and going both now and forever. 

The Lord does not slumber or sleep... When the monsters of the night have you in their strong grip, remember, our God does not sleep. He is holding on. His grip is tighter, more tenacious, and full of comfort and peace. 

Forgive me, my God, for doubting your strength, Your love. This is a long journey and it will be fraught with anxiety, pain and helplessness. But help me to trust You. Help me to trust that You've got this. Keep me from spiraling out of control with my worries and fears. Step in and do what You do best, taking care of and protecting Your children. Amen

The other woman

I discovered who the other woman was today. He calls her mommy and she's been with him since he came to live at SHH. Zhou. Pronounced like Joe, this is the woman who has been as much of a mother to Joseph as one can be without being his mother.

I don't know what feelings I was supposed to have, knowing my son calls another mommy, but what I felt was relief. Relief that this child loves, relief that he bonds, relief that he hasn't been alone. Relief and gratitude. Gratitude that he was so fortunate to be placed at SHH where they teach about Jesus, go to church on Sundays and where they teach these precious children to love. Where the volunteers and workers give their hearts away to children who won't stay with them for a lifetime.

Because he will be five and therefore considered an "older child" by the time we get him home, we have some required reading: a couple of books regarding parenting the adopted (and traumatized) child. You read about this horror called RAD, reactive attachment disorder, and man is it scary! Institutionalized children who aren't soothed when they cry, living in conditions where physical touch is a rarity, often develop attachment disorders, unable to easily, if ever, bond with their adoptive parents. I have heard testimonials from friends of mine that will run your blood cold with apprehension and the fear is palpable that your child will suffer the same disability to connect. The hours and months and years of therapy and very intentional attempts at overcoming such obstacles these families have had to endure cause me to quake in my boots.

And then there is Joseph, who has been loved on and held from the day he was sent to SHH. He has developed attachments to this Zhou, and my eyes swim with tears because I am so thankful he knows what love feels like and how to reciprocate it. Will there be issues? I'm sure. It's still a radical change for a child so young. He'll leave his country, his culture, his friends and the only home he's ever known, his Zhou and what I would give that I could lessen his anxiety. His fear must be paralyzing at times.  How I wish I could calm his fears. Love and patience are what I pray for daily, and in abundance. May God shower us with that which will make the transition less difficult.

I saw a commercial the other day, and it featured a man who was obviously troubled by the decay of the world around him. Fatherless boys needing mentors, broken homes, desperate and hungry children surrounded him and crowded his thoughts. Then at the end of the commercial there was a statement that I just loved, "lessen the burden of caring by doing". It affected me so much I hit the rewind button (DVR is the best invention of the 21st century) and played it again.

That's what these ayi's are doing at SHH, and adoptive parents when choosing adoption, and sponsors when sacrificially giving, all these efforts to bring these children some measure of comfort, peace and security- we are "doing". The burden of caring is suffocating. There is so much need and seemingly so few hands. But I have two hands, an open heart and a spare bedroom. Zhou has time she chose to invest in my son's life. We all have a part in lessening the burden, and I would just propose the question, are we doing our part?

So I heard of the other woman today, and this is my message to her: Thank you for investing your heart into my son. Thank you for preparing his heart to be able to receive and give love. Thank you for standing in for me until I can get there. Thank you for lessening the burden of caring by doing. I won't ever forget what you have done for him, nor will I let him forget the first person he called "mommy".

lessen the burden of caring by doing

Kings & Queens

I love music to a fault. But there  are those songs that hit you right between the eyes, you know? Gotta love it. Depending on your circumstances, some songs cause you to weep, others to rage, some give you that silly, stupid smile. Once, a friend of mine drank an entire bottle of wine, crying her way through Someone Like You by Adele after a friendship took a wicked nose dive into destruction. It's times like those when the lyrics are so spot on, your heart squeezes and tears prick your eyes because it's your life story they are crooning through the speakers. 

For me, that song is Kings and Queens by Audio Adrenaline. It comes on the radio and life goes on pause as I listen, and let's be honest, boohoo while our story is being sung. 

"Little hands, shoeless feet, lonely eyes looking back at me
Will we leave behind the innocent too brief
On their own, on the run when their lives have only begun
These could be our daughters and our sons
And just like a drum I can hear their hearts beating
I know my God won’t let them be defeated
Every child has a dream to belong and be loved"

And there's the rub: that last line! It gets me every time, gripping my heart like a vice. I think of Tong, and I wonder if, when or how often he has wished for someone to make him their little boy. Bryan and I were having the discussion last night about how fortunate he has been thus far in life. He's been in a foster home of sorts, kissed and hugged by his caretakers, taught about Jesus, prayed over his entire life. People all over the world who have volunteered at SHH and have met our son, tell us how affectionate and playful he is, and I am so thankful. Thankful, he's been shown love and can show love. I'm thankful for people who have chosen to love him, knowing, hoping even, to one day let him go as they pray for those two people who will sweep in and fulfill this child's inherent right, a Mama and Baba.

"Boys become kings, girls will be queens
Wrapped in Your majesty
When we love, when we love the least of these
Then they will be brave and free
Shout your name in victory
When we love when we love the least of these
When we love the least of these"

Christ exhorts his disciples, "let the little children come to me, and do not hinder them, for the kingdom of heaven belongs to such as these". (Matthew 19:14, NIV) I am so thankful that SHH paved the way so our son would know who the person of Christ is. I am so thankful that God knew we were to be his parents before the foundation of the earth. He is certainly an amazing God, looking out for our little boy. I am already praying for the day to come that Tong will know not only who Jesus is, but will recognize Him as Lord and Savior.

Break our hearts once again

Help us to remember when

We were only children hoping for a friend

Won’t you look around these are the lives that the world has forgotten

Waiting for doors of our hearts and our homes to open

If not us who will be like Jesus

To the least of these

If not us tell me who will be like Jesus

Like Jesus to the least of these

What breaks my heart, though, are the ones we won't be bringing home. The ones who, like Tong before them, are still waiting. Like the little bird who asked, "are you my mother?", these sweet little babes are looking for their mother. Are you their mother? Are you their father? It's a question we had to ask, and it's a question worth asking yourself.

*lyrics from the song, "Kings and Queens", by Audio Adrenaline