Ohana

I just posted my last blog entry, but then I was stalking facebook.  A lady I work with got a new tattoo on her wrist. There were beautiful and colorful flowers, and in the center of it was the word, "ohana". This is such an appropriate tattoo for this sweet lady. She talks about her family all the time. She is obviously a family oriented person. And neat fact? Her extended family has been grown by adoption as well!

Anyways, back to my original point, most of us know this word, ohana, from the movie, Lilo and Stitch. Who didn't like that movie?? Nevermind, don't answer that, because I may just have to unfriend you if you didn't! I haven't seen it in years, but at the end of the movie, Stitch makes his case about staying with this family he's adopted himself into, and there is the famous phrase, "Ohana means family; family means no one gets left behind or forgotten". That's a pretty powerful line. I did some googling and on wikipedia, it gives this definition for ohana:

Part of Hawaiian culture, ʻohana means family (in an extended sense of the term, including blood-related, adoptive or intentional). The concept emphasizes that families are bound together and members must cooperate and remember one another.

Did you catch that description- blood-related, adoptive or intentional? Love it! That is family to me. We have intentionally determined that we would grow our family through adoption after having our four biological children. 

This journey has grown us in more ways than I thought possible. We have learned to trust without borders, to walk into deep waters, leaning on God's abounding grace all the while. When faced with disappointment and heartbreak, that is God's call to me. Focus on Him, keep my eyes on His goodness, grace and mercy. When I feel the stress pulling me under, I lift my eyes. When I am angry at circumstances out of my hands, I lift my eyes. When I am hurt and confused, I lift my eyes. When I am thankful, I lift my eyes. When I am at a loss for words, I lift my eyes. 

Adoption is easy, said no one ever. But God is blessing us every time we turn around. Literally hundreds of people have blessed us with their prayers, their support, their listening ears, and shoulders to cry on. I can't help but recall lyrics from Hillsong's famous song, Oceans:

You call me out upon the waters

The great unknown where feet may fail

And there I find You in the mystery

In oceans deep

My faith will stand

And I will call upon Your name

And keep my eyes above the waves

When oceans rise, my soul will rest in Your embrace

For I am Yours and You are mine

God is good. He is faithful, and He's keeping our chins above water. Thank you for walking this journey with us. Whether you've contributed your time reading my musings, your money supporting this enormous calling, purchasing the t-shirts and hash-tagging them on Facebook, or sending up prayers on our behalf, you do not go unnoticed. You are just enlarging our ohana borders. Welcome to the family!

Life's a beach!

We went to the beach for the first time this season. It was the the first day of Memorial Day weekend and we might have been crazy to do so, but we were up early and headed in the direction of Carolina Beach. We drove until we found a parking space- a freebie at Kure Beach! We stayed for 2 and a half blissful hours. I LOVE THE BEACH. I see so much of God in it: the limitless horizon, the colors of the water, the crest of the wave, no shell looks alike, and the countless grains of sand. God is all up in that!

It came up at least three times, that I couldn't wait 'til I can bring Joseph Tong home, and to this mama's favorite place, the beach. I sat next to my sister, Kate, as she lounged in her enviable hot pink lay-bag, and discussed all the fun things I can't wait to do with him. The beach is seriously on the top of the list. I don't know if he has ever been to the beach in his short 4 years of life, but oh boy buddy, he will when he comes home. I really hope he likes it. It might just break my heart if he doesn't...

This is a short post, but I wanted to share my thoughts, nonetheless. I've included a couple of pictures so you can see just how much we have enjoyed the day. But know, I'll enjoy it that much more next year when I get him home!

Mother's Day

I must admit, I've never really understood what Mother's Day must feel like to the one whose mom is no longer with them, or the woman who wishes for nothing more than to be called mom, or the mom who mourns her child, or very simply misses her child's presence in her life whatever the reason. I still don't completely, but I have just an inkling of it after this year.

This year, I was in the unique position of having all of my biological children under my wings but missing the child who isn't legally mine, yet my son all the same. I believe any parent who is adopting or has adopted probably gets where I'm coming from. It's a unique kind of love, loving a child who is living a life that's always been separate from yours, one you don't have any legal rights to but in your heart, they're your child all the same.

That's what it's like for me this year. I don't really expect some to understand. Realistically, I don't think unless you're in my shoes you can really understand the pain that strange limbo holds anymore than I can understand the pain of a mom who has lost her babies before holding them, or that of a woman who never had a child to call her own. But we don't have to know the pain to empathize. I've learned that lesson this year. 

As I was awakened to my sweet little girl's artistic expressions of her love to me in a Mother's Day book, I missed him. And as my feet were pampered by Hannah with sweet smelling lotions and my fingernails "painted", I missed him. God bless him, my husband is not a fan of the sand and shore, but we walked on Wrightsville Beach that evening, just because that's what I wanted to do. I watched my girls prance around in the rising tide's surf, and I missed him. The entire weekend, I heard over and over again, "just wait til next year when he's here!", and while I emphatically agreed, I missed him. 

I have not one iota of legal rights to this sweet child on the other side of the world, but he's mine all the same. In my heart, it's a done deal. I pray often, "please just let us get him home. Please don't let anything stand in the way of us making him our son." He's not my son, but he is. That's a hard place in which to find my peace.

But I know my God is big, my God is strong, and my God is mighty. If anyone can handle this phantom pain, this Tong-shaped hole in my heart He is one who can. And I rejoice because one day he will be home, and the next Mother's Day will feel complete. 

Can I just vent for a moment? This week was a very busy one, as we have been dealing with a less than reputable character. Early on this week, I had a guy, supposedly out of Illinois, contact me via our YouCaring account stating he wanted to help but didn't like using online sites to donate financially. I thought it a tad strange, but because we have had literally had so many folks from all over the US that we do not know donate to our adoption, I gave it a shot. I contacted him, and he goes on to tell us he will mail us a check. I gave him our church's address, since I didn't want a stranger having my personal address. We received the check on Thursday afternoon, and almost immediately I receive a notification from him stating that the check had been delivered, when would we deposit it? Tracking numbers... 

At this point, I am getting all kinds of red flags. The envelope was from some roofing contractor business, but the check was from a posh boarding school in Illinois. I told him that I would not be depositing the check that day, that I was nowhere near a bank. All true. Then I asked him how he was affiliated with the school. Now this is a well established school, yet the check number was 576, a pretty low number for such an esteemed business.

He went on to tell me that's where he works (doesn't explain the envelope addressed with the roofing company), not to worry, it's a legitimate check, and to just deposit it. At this point, I'm like, yeah not happening! So I located the school's phone number, thank you Google! I gave them a call, and wouldn't you know, there have been some scams lately, but they want me to talk to the communications director to verify. As luck would have it, she's on vacation! At the same time this guy keeps contacting me wondering when I will deposit this check and not to worry, everything is going to be okay.

So this morning I called the bank on the check, and they put me in contact with the fraud department. She gets all my information, along with lots of screenshots of my conversation with this fellow, pictures of the check and the envelope, and tells me not to deposit it, that it smells of a scam. No kidding! Within 30 minutes of getting off the phone with her, the school calls me back. They got in touch with the communications director and called to inform me that it was definitely a scam. They had actually had another person call them yesterday as well regarding the same sort of scenario!

He goes by Jimmy Gregory. So beware! You see his name come up in some form or fashion stating he "wants to help" all he wants to do is help you empty your bank account, right into his! I am SO THANKFUL we paid attention to the red flags. So thankful we didn't deposit that check. So thankful God protected us from financial disaster! It was set up in such a way that by depositing it, it would have given him access to our account. I don't even pretend to understand folks like that, and don't want to.

But good news? Bryan and I, BY OURSELVES, installed a new island cabinet in the new kitchen today! Pics to follow!

Doxology

You know that song, Praise God from whom all blessings flow.... Can I be really real for a minute and say that is my least favorite song in the hymnbook? I KNOW, I KNOW!!! That sounds awful, but hear me out... It's not the words for they are so true. Doxology defined is a liturgical formula of praise to God. James 1:17 tells us that "every good and perfect gift is from above, coming down from the Father of lights". 

But if I'm being honest, it's the tune. You've heard me say it before, I am a music person, love music, BUT that tune does me in every time. Now, if we could rock it out a bit, that would be RIGHT ON! (Yes, the preacher's wife is a bit of a rock and roll rebel at heart, but God loves me and so far the church tolerates me...)

BUT I am not here to dis the song. The lyrics are spot on, especially these days. We sent a package to China last week, and the beautiful folks at SHH that are caretakers of Joseph "Tong" videoed him opening the package and sent it to me; y'all, I love getting videos of our son. But watching his face as he opened and explored all the goodies in that box just gave my heart a little extra squeeze. It was precious! They told me when he got the box, he ran and said, "from my Mama!" and that did me in!

Blessings come in different forms for the Blackwell family these days. I know a lot of folks say their material goods are blessings, others their jobs, many their health. I'm not here to knock anyone's definition of a blessing, but for me lately, it's the smile that lights up the face a little boy 7000 miles away. It's the way his cheeks lift so high you can't even see his precious black eyes. It's the perfect stranger sending me pics of his haircut, or the caretakers intuitive enough to take videos of these moments we would want to be a part of in any way possible. It's the painstaking efforts of a six year old little girl making an Easter card for her little brother she has yet to meet. It's the note you find on a dry erase board written in the careful hand of an 11 year old girl, "we will meet our [#bringtonghome] goal, no exceptions!" when speaking of our efforts to bring her baby brother home.  Blessings like the kind we've received at the hands of anonymous donors helping us bring our boy home, and from strangers who have kindred spirits where adoption is concerned bring us to our knees as we sing, "praise God from whom all blessings flow, praise Him all creatures here below".

Don't get me wrong, there have been tough times, too. There has been the absence of support from unexpected places, and there have been times I'm so overwhelmed by the sheer amount of requirements that I wonder how in the world we will make our deadlines, and when our financial goals seem so staggering, so un-achievable, but all of these stresses, the heartaches, our disappointments and tears have been bubble wrapped in blessings. Like some well known lyrics say, "Why should I feel discouraged, Why should the shadows come... When Jesus is my portion, My constant friend is He; His eye is on the sparrow, and I know He watches me."