February 18, 2017 was the evening that our lives changed all over again. When I saw his face for the first time, my heart seized. I can't explain what it felt like, but I know it was different than that pity you feel when you see a shivering dog on those commercials with "Arms of an Angel" playing in the background. This wasn't, "oh, it's an orphan, and won't someone give him a home" feeling. It was as if God spoke into my heart and said, "he's your son".
I have never personally heard the audible voice of God, and if I do, it may just scare me silly, but my heart heard Him that night. I ran to Bryan to tell him what my heart was telling me, and when he saw just how serious I was we decided we would pray about it for a solid week. I gave him 9 days. I wanted him to be sure, sure.
Each night of that week was torture for me. I would lay down knowing that 13 hours in the future this sweet little boy was up playing. I saw him when I closed my eyes, I saw him when I woke, I saw him in my daydreams, I saw him on my phone every time I picked it up (I may have saved it as my wallpaper, slightly obsessive I know). I couldn't stop worrying about the what if's.
What if Bryan didn't feel as strongly as I did? What if we couldn't raise the funds necessary? What if China changed their mind about his availability for adoption? What if someone else fell for him and got his file first? What if, what if, what if pounded through my brain, and I prayed constantly.
I just begged God that if He would, "please allow us to have this child". And then I would pray the hardest prayer, "please God, if we can't have him, help me to let him go, and PLEASE bring a family to him who can love him unconditionally like he deserves". Praying that prayer hurt my heart so much so that I always ended it in a sob.
At the end of those very long 9 days, Bryan said he was willing to proceed with an application. It was like a balm to my heart, hearing those words. I immediately contacted a lady with CCAI, and she gave me the steps to complete so that we could get his file.
I was given 3 pictures, just 3, and I look at them constantly. I was given his medical file and it just made me want to get him here faster. He's a healthy little boy, but he has a hemangioma over his left eye which is obstructing his vision in that eye. We can tell that he has a lazy eye, and just are praying we can salvage his vision in that eye before it's too late. But it doesn't matter to me, his visual limitations.
He's perfect and he's going to be ours.
To be continued...
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